I Know Who I AM

Time Out

I think it's time for a time out.
I don't want no more
I wanna GET HAPPY BLESS IT!!!!
Life is the pursuit of happiness!
and It's MINE
I refuse to give up
I'm on a time crunch
NOW OR NEVER

I think I've made up my mind...
Some People are gonna HATE me...
HATE ON MOTHER FUCKERS HATE ON!
Some will think I'm Crazy...
I am and don't you EVER fuckin forget it.
Lord Give me the Courage because I BELIEVE
Let me TRUST in you
Let me succeed
Blessed Be
AMEN

Just Breathe...

My Heart hurts today... just breathe baby it's ok
I miss you so very much
Maybe I miss the person I thought you were
If I think about the disappointments it's only because I expected so much more
Never hope in mankind... they are but man
I don't know what I did to deserve the hurt
I don't think I ever did anything... aint that the way it goes
Equivalent exchange... my crimes are paid in full... so I think... but who am I really? Nobody
Maybe it's not me at all
Maybe it's just you n your own unhappily ever after
Such a Big Ego
Up so high you can't see the ground beneath you
That's gonna be some blow when you're brought down as low as you can go
Get some get right
Maybe I just feel alone
Like maybe no one in this world really knows me anymore
All the what if's
all the could be's
today they're ripping me apart and I can not breathe
It feels so heavy this heart of mine
so empty... all at the same time...how can that be?
Filled with disappointment, filled with pain
Deprived of Love, stripped of grace
Count your blessings to find what you look for...
I know the pain only exists because of the immense LOVE I have for you
So Be it
I do love you..
I don't know what I ever did to deserve a blessing like that...
That you would LOVE me too.
I am so blessed
Let go of what is and become who you were meant to be
Let go of the Envy
Let go of the Greed
Just let go already and be Free
Appreciate the now because that's all we're guaranteed
This is your Lot
Accept it and be Happy

*Accept that's a heavy word... to receive.. a gift... a blessing... Acceptance is not settling. It's gratuity.

Hoshi Rae Come Home

Hoshi Rae Where'd you go?
I don't know but you need to come home
Out finding internal peace
Too much chaos here but It's you who let this beast of her leash
You helped rescue me
My guardian angel you set me free
How am I supposed to get by with out my spirit guide?
How am I supposed to be still inside?
Return to the soul,
Delorne and I miss you so
Like a couple of fools simply existing here with out you
You teach us what it is to LIVE?
How can I raise her with out you?
I do not possess the Truth you give
We need you to be whole
so please Hoshi won't you come back home?

xoxo Zari the Soul

P.S. I found you sitting still, seeking to have all reviled...already home at his feet. Praying for salvation, stripped in silence, voiceless with a heavy heart. Return to me he says that we may never part, there has been sacrifices made to rescue you again, come home to me and be whole so that I may once again live with in my soul. So shall it be make me complete. AMEN!

Greater Because I Can

The initial reaction is instinctual carnage
Slit their fucking throat for fucking with me
a fuck for a fuck if you will

The Challenge is to be GREATER because I CAN be

To have to total and complete control over my existence
I AM THE KING!
You can try to trip me up but my feet aren't even touching the ground.
I've left you wishing for wings beneath me.
No power over me
I am free
If I give in to you you have all the control. Push to start. 
Keep myself on a leash for the betterment of me...
Keep my power harnessed in reserves
Massed in quantity the greater purpose this power will serve.
I am just a servant in a nice dress...
I am so grateful...
I am HONORED that you would choose me...
How did this come to be that you would call on a sinner like me to make me complete

To accept the LOVE because I AM WORTHY

Phoenix Rising

Up out of these ashes I do Rise
Soot Covered and Alive
Wash me clean and I will shine
Watch me blaze up this midnight sky
Chain-less and Free
Fire in my Eyes
So Refined
to Hell with all the hate, all the lies
I leave them on the ground wishing for wings while out of the darkness I do Fly
A dragons heart-song so strongly do I sing

Let it Shine

This little LiGhT of mine... I'm gon' let it ShInE... Let it SHINE... LET IT SHINE!

I wonder what would happen if I met the 8 year old me...
I wonder what she would encounter if she walked into my 28 year old world
Would she finally feel HoMe? A place where she belonged
Would that brave girl still be scared of what has become?
locked in that dark place?
Would Zach be her child guide?
Is he scared?
Does he feel HOME?
What would my 28 year old self eminate?
Would I feel ashamed of where I am?
Could I explain this was not the plan?
Would I tell her to run down a different path?
I want to hold her in my arms and and gain my innocence back, my courage.
I want to shine again, so brightly that this dark place disappears.

the other side

Bring me through to the other side

The Goal

Innocence

Untamed Unchained Wild N Free... She's been gone for so long now, I gotta find my way back to her somehow...Dear Lord please restore my child like innocence... make me pure and sweet again... Like American Honey xoxo Delorne

Every Lil Thought

I wish I could just stab you in the heart
I don't fucking care anymore
Cold that's what I've become
You're a sweet girl
Meek
Insecure
Confidence... I think If I hear that fucking word again Imma scream
So what... yeah and?
FU
Piss is Piss Asshole
How can I love and hate all at the same time
I can't stand what they think of me
I can't stand to have one more person say one more bad thing
I am who I am
Locked in a cage of continuous pain for all to see
Quit fucking looking at me Bastards!
I don't want your fucking pity, I got enough of my own to drown in
I don't really know what I want, or what I need.
I just know it feels good...but feel good can be bad
Its so bad
Just leave me be
I can't even stand me
This is how people blow out their brains
and I don't blame them one bit
I can't even stand this shit
Same day after day
Stagnant
There is no growth
There is no hope
Faithless Israel... Yup that's me... It's all bad so there's no reason to believe.
 Just Fuck Fuck Fuck it all straight to hell

I hold on to the belief that one day I will be able to be the stool beneath your feet, how honored I would be to find relief in the refuge of your wing, shhh don't look at me, hide me while I find a song to sing, take this heart and play a melody on its strings...Amen xoxo me

Enter the Cocoon

I think I'm done
Pretty damned sure
Flip the switch
I don't want no more
Just Shut the Show Down
Curtain Call
You ain't gotta go home but motherfuckers you can't stay here
Deuces

The Funeral Playlist

Morbid? Maybe, But just so you MotherEffers get it right!

Crystal Bowersox- up to the mountain
Moonlight sonata
A Tear in the Open- Tiesto
SIXX AM Life is Beautiful
Spirit in the Sky
Beyonce I was here

Rising

1 Peter 1:23
For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.

TBC

This phoenix knows nothing of being caged, nothing of being tamed or tormented with chains
She knows not that kind pain.
She simply is what she is
Pure fire
Mutable and untouchable
She knows no boundaries
She does as she pleases
Igniting all she meets, all she sees along the way
All Joy and Passion she seeds
Completely Free as she burns
Burn she must even the reserves until she fades
The down side to the circle encroaches
The child inside screams
The dragoness guards her retreat
Azaria takes center stage
She has become accustomed to the pain
She knows this side of the circle all to well
Her scars tell of her time spent in hell
Caged and released
My warrior beast
On these demons she feasts
So confident in my ability to destroy
A cold blooded killer
Slayer of souls
It's Gods place to judge them, It's mine to arrange the meeting
I'll rip the vocal cords outcha throat Bitch
Remorseless
Touched only by the child
Fire for Fire
The star inside ignites
It burn so BRIGHT
Fire fuels the fight
The protector of all that is pure and innocent
Humility resonates thru
So grateful for the rescue
Unafraid Facing Death
Stand still
Stay your ground
Do not relent it is the only way for honor to be found
Terrors creep
Delorne weeps
my humanity is so weak
"Shhhh dear child, watch as I sooth the savage beast"~Hoshi speaks
My spirit engages pained by their defeat
The peace bringer
heart healer
soul scar sealer
She is complete
"Oh Faithless Zion
What about your ability to build?
What will you do when there is no battle field?
Quiet yourself to hear the voice within...it the whisper passing through the shouts of sin"
Can you hear the Creator from the observational seat?
"Baby your beauty reaches far beyond any limits you can imagine
It is the truth,
listen no more to the lies,
All ugliness aside
Look at that light she holds inside
"Look how she glows"
Her light is mine
and I declare Yes she will Shine!
Yes she will show!
I give you a love that you've never known"

voiceless

Psalm 94:20
Shall the throne of iniquity, which devises evil by law, Have fellowship with You?
Job 9:10
He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.


This repetitious cycle is vicious
The hate that breeds and rebirths inside of my soul time and time and time again
When I try to run away from the pain I fall into my own sin
This statistical inadequacy is enough to strip me of my own sound
Just lay it out on the ground
The waste of it all
Where's the redo button?
I whisper ...I want to be them...shhh
Different cards are delt but its how you play them that counts
 How in the hell do you know how to play unless you're taught?
Others find a way they go out and observe the game
My life's a damned shame, I am ashamed of myself
I feel so confined
My soul has been chained inside
I am voiceless

  Pause... withdraw...A rare retreat for honest reflection... a quiet moment to mend, to heal, to learn to deal, a coping methodology if you will. I don't mind the scars so much as I do the Pain, It stings every bit of the inside of me... Bring the rain, at least I can sing a keening song in the sorrowful rain...Be Still bleeding soul...be still

Happy Birthday Rainbow Dragon!

Here's to one of the most spectacular spectrum I have ever had the pleasure of being illuminated by. 

HaPpY BiRtHdAy HONEY! 

The one true tie dye Hippie Chick

Our Beloved Rainbow Dragon.

Big Ol Baby

I hate that every morning I see a spider or two struggle for Life

Hoshi is impartial, knowing it's part of the cycle,
DJ still has instilled a humanitarian fear... silly child

Who'd of ever thought it would be you that would have Compassion for the dying.  A respect for Life.
O' Zari, you Big Ol' Baby!

Freedom to Fly

Our Lord submitted to death, enduring it willingly,
because by this means he would be able to destroy death
in spite of itself.

St. Ephraem, 4th century 

Flight requires FREEDOM from within
NO internal confines to bind the mind
NO chains diggin’ in
To Fly you must die
To touch the sky you must enter a cocoon
You must let go of what is and transform into LiViNg proof
You must SCREAM with your whole heart!
at the Lies you've been fed
" You are NOT the Truth!
NEVER again will you tear my soul apart!
NEVER again will you infect my head !
It's time to put Death to the test,
it is time O’ Lies I lay You to rest!"
You must face Fear with Faith!
Knowing that your very SpIrIt is at stake
Knowing that every part of you that's suppose to  
WILL make it through to the other side
Allowing you to be born again brand new
Allowing your wings the FREEDOM to Fly!~

As a Dragon I Die
As a Phoenix I Rise
Born again a Song Dragon
The Yellow Hearted Leopard Sun Dragon
Death I Destroy

The Eternal Covenant of Peace

54
h“Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;

break forth into singing and cry aloud,

you who have not been in labor!

For the children of ithe desolate one jwill be more

than the children of her who is married,” says the Lord.

2
k“Enlarge the place of your tent,

and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;

do not hold back; lengthen your cords

and strengthen your stakes.

3
lFor you will spread abroad to the right and to the left,

and your offspring will possess the nations

and will people the desolate cities.

4
“Fear not, mfor you will not be ashamed;

be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;

for you will forget the shame of your youth,

and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

5
nFor your Maker is your husband,

the Lord of hosts is his name;

oand the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,

pthe God of the whole earth he is called.

6
qFor the Lord has called you

like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,

like a wife of youth when she is cast off,

says your God.

7
rFor a brief moment I deserted you,

but with great compassion I will gather you.

8
rIn overflowing anger for a moment

I hid my face from you,

sbut with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”

says the Lord, your Redeemer.

9
“This is like tthe days of Noah1 to me:

as I swore that the waters of Noah

should no more go over the earth,

so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you,

and will not rebuke you.

10
For the mountains may depart

and the hills be removed,

but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,

and umy covenant of peace shall not be removed,”

says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

11
v“O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted,

behold, wI will set your stones in antimony,

xand lay your foundations with sapphires.2

12
I will make your pinnacles of agate,3

your gates of carbuncles,4

and all your wall of precious stones.

13
yAll your children zshall be taught by the Lord,

aand great shall be the peace of your children.

14
In righteousness you shall be established;

you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;

and from terror, for it shall not come near you.

15
bIf anyone stirs up strife,

it is not from me;

whoever stirs up strife with you

shall fall because of you.

16
Behold, I have created the smith

who blows the fire of coals

and produces a weapon for its purpose.

I have also created the ravager to destroy;

17
no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed,

and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.

This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord

cand their vindication5 from me, declares the Lord.” 

Cinder Soot and That Damned Dress

Eff it.. Imma OWN This.. Just call me Cinder Soot

Chassidy Jeanne u have no mother no father to speak of... U stand alone... U will NEVER wear that dress... In a world of Belles, Ariels, n Snow whites U can make Mulan your favorite n wish to be sleeping beauty but u cld only ever hope to b Cinderella n I don't even like that blond bitch! Wish I may, wish I might, but I cannot change who I am...Just call me Cinder Soot...Ive only ever longed for a place where I belong but today brought affirmation of the truth someone else's daughter will always come 1st. I am only offered the scraps off someone else's plate. n its not like this is some new discovery n I shouldn't even have tears left for it n yet they fall...God i am grateful for the life u have given me it has made me what I am, but i have always know I'm not long for this world so when i do pass please party it up and celebrate because I will finally b where I belong in a Big Yellow Dress with those Ruby Red Slippers.

I've been in the wrong position my entire life

I was born into it 

Mammas a free fiend

Pappas a Rebel

No Mentor would touch me

Too overwhelmed by the damage to repair 

With out an end in sight 

How could I ever dream to be more

Still I Fight

Still I RISE

Against all ODDS 

with burdens so heavy 

Still I FLY

Got all I need shining so brightly inside this heart of Mine!

I am

John 10:9
"I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture."

I am the fence
I am the finish line

Too close to Home!

Being vulnerable doesn't mean being weak. In fact, trying to hide what's not working will just deplete your resources at a time when you really need your entire arsenal. Ask your loved ones for a helping hand.

~09/21/11: 4th Position:
You must accept the "death" in this area of your life in order to achieve rebirth. Situations can not be corrected without this. If you do so you will be able to rise up out of the ashes like the Phoenix bird and begin again. What has been must be let go of, now is the time to exert yourself and work with the healing powers of transformation. We can't always control external conditions, but we grow by learning to control our reactions / responses to them.

Rise of the Phoenix
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God -- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
John 1:12-13 (Read all of John 1)
 Dear God, Please let me be born again of you. xoxo me

mmmm
Vocation [ edit ]
Possible contributions your soul has to offer

XV. SHADOW

With the Shadow card, you are asked to look at the darker aspects of your nature. Bringing your deepest fears to light allows you to release what is blocking you from moving forward. However uncomfortable it may be to see your Shadow self, doing so offers great insight and positive energy for true transformation of the self. It asks you to forgive yourself for your short-comings and free yourself from any shame or guilt. It is time to reconcile with your inner self and recognize the bright light that you are.

I am Azaria Hoshi Rae Miss Miss Delorne Janai CJ YES Chassidy Jeanne Bouche and don't you EVER forget it Bitches! B/C the moment you do, this stiletto's goin through your Jugular Trick!

Azaria is Locked away for healing
Her wounds still too fresh for new battles
Hoshi is on gaurd
The spirit speaks soothingly to the soul
Be still my soul, be still
Delorne my phoenix guide light up this star inside and lead the way
Such a child am I
Lord please stay

Lifes Flight

The cruelties and obstacles of this swiftly changing planet will not yield to obsolete dogmas and outworn slogans. It cannot be moved by those who cling to a present which is already dying, who prefer the illusion of security to the excitement and danger which comes with even the most peaceful progress.
     - Robert F. Kennedy, 1925 - 1968

I am a Sun Dragon
Flying by the seat of my pants
From Current to Current
Uplift to Uplift
Consistently en-route
Always Assessing Predicting Calculating Adapting Overcoming Conquering

Ever Evolving am I into the forward moving ever revolving winds of time.  

I'm sorry Momma

I'm sorry Momma.
I don't hate you
I hate my own inadequacies
My own shortcomings
I'm not supposed to miss a beat
Mistakes are simply not allowed
There is ZERO room for error...
But I am only a single human being after all
Please forgive my humanity
I will try harder I promise

I see the moon and the moon sees me, the moon sees the ones that I want to see, So God bless the moon and God bless me, and God bless the ones that I want to see... xoxo me

Murphy

You're 16 today!
Wowzers!
It seems like just yesterday you were 2 and we were playing airplane on the front-room floor.
I changed your diapers, feed you baby food and sang you lullabies to help you sleep.
Now your the one helping me grow up... just yesterday you gave me 20 bucks for gas to take you to Jays.
How did we let it go by so fast!
You want to be a Marine when you grow up and I can see every bit of it.

Who else would Zombie it up with me if not you?
Who else could speak so sensically to me when I'm at my irrational all time emotional?
Who else could stand up against me just to support me? The good advice I always hated ;o)
We are all we have
You are my Fartknocker, I'll stop doing it when you stop laughing
You always know how to make me smile.
 You  are an AMAZING individual and I see the man you are destined to become, you're beautiful inside and out and it makes me cry the right kind of tears, those of joy...
You are such an Important Man in my life...
I love you so much, I am so proud of you and grateful that in this life I get to call you my brother!
Happy Birthday Leo!

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm, mmm, mmm

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too
[- From :http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/stevie-nicks-lyrics/landslide-lyrics.html -]

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too
Oh, I'm getting older too

Awh, take my love, take it down
Awh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down
Oh, the landslide bring it down

Lil Miss Muffin

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!

Lil Miss Muffin oh Miss Muffin you never really were so Lil now were you
You getting so BIG now and its so AMAZING just to know you

You're Star Shines so bright!
You're light is so beautiful...
Lil Miss Mari, I think you got a more than your lil bit of  Auntie Zari
Yup you're gonna be a game changer
You already run the show
So much to say, so much you already know
I wonder what color your wings are gonna be
You already fly so freely
I feel so privileged to be your Auntie
I LOVE you Baby Girl...

You are such a special part of my world!!!

xoxo Me

Why is it???

Why is it all my Genius Moments occur while I'm doing the dishes? or my best melodies in the shower?
and Why is it that I can't seem to remember 2 singe ounces of that genius 5 seconds later when I go to put it on the PC 2 steps away from me?
Sigh... =|
There go all my genius moments down the drain... with the spaghetti noodles... LOL

~ Why is it when your so open to being seen that the one you want to see doesn't see you?
I am so grateful for those who do... I love you so much... A part of my Eywa, I see you! xoxo me.

Lost=Beautiful

Lost is OK
It means you are in the process of being found
It's a beautiful thing
A new birthing

Fuck It!

Cast away your troublesome cares, put aside your wearisome distractions.
Give yourself a little leisure to converse with God,
and take your rest awhile in him.

St. Anselm, 12th century

I FUCKING HATE this shit!!!!
I HATE LIFE!!!
I JUST PLAIN FLAT OUT FUCKING HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE IT ALL!
FUCK IT, JUST FUCK IT ALL STRAIGHT TO HELL!
I'M ALREADY THERE ANYWAYS, I'VE LIVED THERE MY ENTIRE LIFE...
PISS OFF PEOPLE, I FUCKING HATE YOU TOO... FUCK YOU!

I can feel this internal battle of wills: I listen to this song and I can hear the conversations:
Hoshi Rae: Get up Come on Why you scared?
Zari: FUCK YOU! ROOOOAAAARRRRRRRR... I'M NOT SCARED, I'M JUST FUCKING DONE, POKE ME ONE MORE TIME BITCH I DARE YOU.
DJ: Get her a drink

I FUCKING LOVE YOU DJ!

It's every ounce of good stuff has been drained from my veins along with all my blood.. all my life's force... it's just gone... I simply have nothing left to give... please just leave me alone... quit breaking my heart before I bite you! Those broken fragments are all I have left... see me as an example if you wish, this is simply just it... bare wounds lie open... poke if you like, I haven't even the strength to defend... I see Death approaching... This is the end... Lord Come for Me... xoxo Amen

Ginger

I feel like such a wasted piece of shit
Is it too much to ask to be inspired?
Maybe I gave it all away...
I'll never have the life I've dreamnt of... but doesn't that mean maybe I'll have better
Is that hope?
All day long I hope in you...
How is everyone else so amazing...
I'm just another stepping stone along your path to perfect
When will that ever be me?
I want what I've been denied
What I've cheated myself out of
I'm nobody
Just another effin statistic
Sometimes I wish for death
Is that selfish?
I don't know if I have the will anymore... if this is what it is it isn't worth it.
Or maybe I'm seeing with blind eyes
Where'd my wings go...
I've lost all passion
My Star has lost it's glow...
What is this place?

There is no one home
I am so alone
I don't know where I am
I just know hate it here
So do they, I'm supposed to be the one leading the way
It hurts to see them in so much pain
I'd gladly put one foot in-front of the other but I don't know which direction to go
I'm holding little hands but who's holding mine?
Only I can fix my life right...I give it up to you
I know it could be a whole lot worse
I am grateful for the blessings
I am in pain
I can't stand myself
I hate hearing myself cry
What does it take to be happy?
I am in need...
Why can't anyone see?
Please understand... If not you then who?
Please stay...I'm so scared...
Scared that I will end up like Ginger instead of Black Beauty

Soul Rapping

Fuck it just wrap it all up in cellophane
Smile n tuck tail
Just play their stupid fucking game
Death by slow suffocation
Just let your inside wail
Stone cold untold
Exterior completely controlled
Heartbreaking as a whole
This rapping of your soul
God please save me

The Secret Sisterhood of the Star-hearted Dragons

God i could go for a Lil Nancy, a Lil Donna, a Lil bit of Aunt Jinny in my view I didn't get my daily dose of Aunt Ne' n please I need me some Honey, n Momma Tracy too,  I could go for a lil Doe for sho'!  Hoshi Rae These Lights are you, give me some Debbie, some Bridget and could you blend in a double dose of Linda. Give me some more Gail, Carol, Kaylynn n Kendra. N even though I'm new yes please I'd  like some Auntie Deenie too. Warrioresses sing true, I need a whole lotta Sheena, n more than a bit of the Dragon that's Blue, I could use more Rachel and Rosemadder I don't get nearly enough of you; nor the rae's of Derring n Lindsey, I've been with out my Devyn n Jenny; Could I please get just a Lil more Mindy, Some Sister Sam, Some Aunt Pam and just a Lil bit of what gives Kristy her ooo ooo. A regular breeze of Bree is a must n I'm holding on to the twinkles of Courtney I have left, Grandma Irene I miss you so much! some essence of Grandma's Alice n Millie please cuz that stuffs the Best, this is the special stuff that's stored in the arsenal in case I need to rage a war or simply place one foot in front of the other when you beckon me too, Lord I could use a Lil Momma, yup feed me some Caryn Threw n Threw, see me, this Phoenix blood makes me new, Grandma CJ I'm forever grateful Azaria was born from you: Internally rooted Ms Delorne Janai my Mississippi princess forever engraved she'd been locked away behind closed doors, the magnolia blossomed from being seeded inside the sand the child reaching out for a hand...Each essence blending into a spectacular spectrum, each one's own song harmonizing in tune gliding glittering shining along the currents of time, My Eywa I see you- a perfectly beautiful design forever progressing forward into some new hue, A Rugga Bue Sue if you may, a Missy Moo Moo, Heaven, Jay Rae, Brynn or Lil Miss Muffin, the perpetual energies of life so magnificently sewn into a patchwork tale of women the Secret Sisterhood of the Star-hearted Dragons.

Run Demons Run

I saw you last night in your true form
I have to tell you I wasn't frightened anymore
I saw how weak you were
A captor on the verge of loosing control
My terror turned to rage
I can't believe I let you keep me chained in this cage

My life depended on you
I built up an affection for the projection of me you pretended to be.
  Always a voice from the shadows
You said I am you, how can you ever be free?
Everything you feed me I believed.

In the darkness a light beaconed to me
Ever so gently showing me mercy
The wail I had never heard before
from my own throat
His Grace has touched me
His touch wasn't the cause of the broken
It was you
The Ugly Truth Revealed

Everytime I took a stand and said No More
I can't possibly
You pulled these chains and dug into my wounds
You showed me exactly what I could do
You were building up a warrior beast
Saying don't bite the hand that feeds
Only poison you gave me

 

Feed me Life I cried
I can no longer continue to die inside
You reigned in tighter pushing this passionate drive
It's like you injected me with toxin
Made me a fiend

This night I see you so clearly
This vision of mine, now through his eyes I see
My light is his and his is mine
I am his Dragon
He created me
Strengthened me for this moment
He knew it would come
 when I would face my own defeat
He always believed
No matter how many times you told me this is all I was destined to be
YES He told me I could be greater
YES He Believed
No matter How many times I fell
He told me get back up, it's only a skinned knee
When I couldn't stand my self anymore
He whispered your beautiful baby

I will listen to you no more
Today I'm Done N Off with this
I'm going to FORGET the word Relapse 

God's comin for me

He's opening the CAGE

You can run and you can hide
I have been released
His hand is my guide
I will seek you out
I will find you
and I will Slay you
It is what I have been trained to do

I need to start listening to these voices within
Miss Delorne Janai My Southern Spitfire Siren the phoenix with a broken wing
Hoshi Rae The Doe with a blade
Azaria The Scarred over dragoness- enough said 

JuJu Juice

 

Isaiah 41:13
For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

The Bucket List

•2013 Mardi Gras New Orleans- We gotta be there 

•mas tattoos por favor

•outta debt-ish

•medford shopping spree

•midnight margaritas

•ladies nights out

•purse shopping

•Victorias secret semi annual bra sale

•new cds

•cj needs to fit some nails into her budget  Feme Swagg on hold till construction is complete!

•sheena needs a Tahoe She gotta Yukon BITCHES

•rd trip oregon/redwoods

•summer southern vacation

•It could probably benefit sheena to watch a few chick flicks

•we are the mighty ya-yas. Let no man put us unda.

•sheena is going to write a paranormal romance

•chass needs a couple more pairs of come fuck me boots  I see you raggedy ass hoes in your knee highs!!!

•we need new sexy bitch wardrobes •that includes those little black leather motorcycle jacket
•chass is gonna LOVE chass

• Sheena is gonna LOVE Sheena 

•always have gas money!!!

•take our kids to go see Rachel!!!!!

•we both need getaway buduiors. ( Our rooms oughtta be places we wanna be) 
•Need to work out Monthly Sanity Visits including massive Club n Ass shaking nights out! RUBY SKYE IT UP!
 

JU JU

If your breathing your affecting

Album 2~ Warrior Princess~ Azaria's Call

It's Zari Bitches!

"This is WAR, Take NO Prisoners!!!"
I Run A-A-A Game
No B Listers
Ur Grinds a Shame
I run so HARD my feet got Blisters
I'm sending out the war cry to all my Star Sisters!
Let the blades fly! Bitch Please! Im-Im-Imma dragon
Hell hath no FURY like Me! I'll put you in the back of the wagon.
You better be listen to the words that I say
Bitch I told you "get the FUCK outta my WAY!"
I'm bout to let this Glow blow
My shine's so bright I'll blind you like snow
I'll leave you in a daze while you watch me blaze baby
I know you see me tryin to ride shot gun in that Pink Ferrari next to that bad ass chick y-y-y-es the Black Barbie
Miss Nicki I gotta say thank you for clearin out all the garbage,
We don't cut through the crap baby we just Flush it!
I'm one of those Girls you was fightin for,
I'm Raw I'm a Beast Why yes I'm Savage.
Weren't you Bitches Listen!!! I am the SUN DRAGON!
I've been through the battles n I've won the War
You wouldn't believe all the wounds that I bore
Scared over somehow ...It's your time now to just watch me SOAR
N no one wants to hear about Gaga no more
She aint nothin buta dumb drunk disco hoe!
Last time I seen the anorexic bitch her bones were dry humpin the dance floor...e-e-e-ew
Hahahahaha Don't you know Miss Nicki taught me how to wrap these coffin oh so pretty with these bows.
I'm the reason you bitches is Thru
I cut you off or cut you out either way I'm whats new
Im what they all about! Pull out the blade
Give em 5 seconds n watch all their doubts fade.
It's all in the image, Yup that's what counts
N it's all to easy to project what they want
All you gotta do is Flaunt your ass n sing
Sleezy is so Easy Beyonce Did it with a Ring
Yup now she's world class! class? is that shakin your ass?
So sad all these Publicity games
why yes its a shame thats how you choose to keep your name in the fame
With so much talent you choose to be lame
Stuck in the same state wrapped up in that cellophane
I fly by you with out being known
You bitches so blind you too busy playin telephone
But I came here to turn this Game around
N NO I ain't stoppin till I burn all you bitches to the ground
Wheres Mary J at? Put her in the zone so she can show all you babies how to get grown.
I'm missing Aretha, Erykah Badu n Miss Left Eye Lopez
Those are the Girls who showed us what Respect Is!
Ladies Raise your voices, n answer the call
LISTEN to that sound!!! Yes It's so RAW
Teach your daughters better, teach em how to stand tall.
Teach em how to Slay them nasty bitches until they all Fall while keepin it picture perfect pigtails n all!
N While you're at it show your sons what a fly honey's all about
Set the example by keepin it on point, strong without doubt
Show him how to spot those chicken heads, tricks n hoes who be frontin
So when he chooses his baby you'll know she'll be stunnin, yup a perfect 100
This has been a long time comin
This change is so over due
It's time to extract the venom
I call for a new You
Be more than they direct you to be
Raise your arms It's time to be Free.
Come on now scream it with me
Yup just Raise the middle finger up n say Fuck the Illuminati
F the Illuminati Hottie? What No Fuck they whole Party!
I'm the shot caller! I choose who I wanna be.
This star inside makes me a warrior of light
I keep my blade blazin Yes I came for a FIGHT!


Inspiration: Bring It Sept 09

I am that Woman, You can BRING It any day-anytime and I got this yo!
"and If you think you know then I don't think you know..."
Cause while you just may be that Bitch, that's just not me, I'm that Bull. That's right a Taurus and It takes a whole pack of BITCHES like you to bring me down.
I'll stand my ground no matter what comes my way today.
So if you think your that Bitch then get your pack and Bring It!
Cause you oughta see the PACK I run with. All Alpha's-all out-all a little Crazy.
You ain't got shit on me!
Ya Ya!

The Ugly Truth~ Part 1

I Refuse to Live Like a Coward

 

 

I am my own defeat...
Possessed even
to the point of obsessions
Allowing pointless distractions
My focus needs more focus...
I let the moments fly by...I'm missing them
I preach my wishes...

Damaged, that's what they call it.
I'm not Broken I scream...but I am.
Dungeoned that's what I call it
Chained and Wounded
A Dragon on the verge of Death
Must I die?
Winter before Spring
Death before Life
It is what is required for resurrection
A Phoenix from the Ashes... Will I rise?
Ascension vanishes on the ever rising currents out my window
Jealousy fills my being as I watch them Live their dreams
So Envious it's blinded me to what's held within...
Their success makes me feel so small, but is it truly success after all?

So insecure I rage war on others
Is that all bark and no bite? No, I do bite and it's lethal
I have even openly attacked children, children that I adore and Love
I have struck my own...
stunted the growth..
My tongue is venomous
My heart filled with poison
I pray daily for purification
Hermitified by the humility of my actions
I am my own worst enemy
Ignoring the daily realities...

I am a Man Slayer- 3 were married
Forgiveness is UN-comprehensive
How could I ever be worthy to receive let alone give?
At times I have wanted to peel my skin off from shame
I just front a good Game... such a BIG ego... There enters the cellophane...
If they only truly knew
The Hatred seeps from my soul

I have grown Stone Cold...
Emotional detachment comes with ease
Thoughts of fleeting life fills me with Peace.
It's survival
Tears of sorrow no longer fall, like a mermaid warrior...weakness is not allowed, it'll be prodded at.
How thick I have become
He's LUCKY I didn't have a gun
I would have! Your God Damned Right! His brains would have exited the back side of his skull.
Even to this day
He still haunts me, the demon from my dreams, he is the succubus that steals my breath while I slumber
I can't stand the things they've done to me...
Or maybe I can't stand the fact that I was weak enough to let them
I was just a Baby- My own Justifications...
The fear smothered me then... in moments it does now
Even though I'd like to think I'm stronger somehow, I can't give them credit..
They're non deserving of something so powerful
NEVER AGAIN!!!

The horrors fill my dreams nightly...I can see their faces... the demons that entrap me...
This desire surges with force
I scream out for hope
I struggle for freedom
I feel the battle for my soul...
I am not strong enough to fight for the win
Can't you see my Blood stained skin?
Do I choose to stay? In the comfortable confines of sin
Save me...
The passage is definite... but my own stubbornness keeps me from making the first step
There are things still to ugly to admit, the mirror makes me sick
There goes the wind...
I wish I could fly...longingly I stretch for the sky

Wishful Thinking

I wish for just a moment to be... a moment to process the revisions and complete the refinement... to put the best me together for all to see the best of the best that could possibly be... a still moment to just breathe and let everything that's been takin in to combine into the ultimate win... a moment to detoxify and simplify... a moment to fully appreciate what I miss the most- the musky sent of a 9 year olds hair...because I never want to take whats precious for granted... a moment to be greater because I can, to build the courage it takes to make the risks higher... to take the calculated dives of a free form flyer... to stoke my faith in the currents of life and make my belief so solid I would never doubt in their existence or the providers presence... I wish for a moment to even finish this wish, to reveal the innards of my soul and a glimpse at the heart...but a few seconds is all I'm granted... make the most of them, they're all you get and each one could be your last, the next is not guaranteed.

Feme Swagg

Not to Toot my own Horn but...This is what Feme Swagg is about!

 

Pink Creme

Spring Fling

Because Princesses are IMPORTANT!!!

Leopard Sun Dragon

Aqua Swagg

Iced Eyes

Fox Rider A La Nor Cal

It's My Birthday

"I am Who I AM"

Celebrate Who you are!

I've got 28 years in this Game! I Love to Play and Yes I'm Here to stay!

This is my Mothafucking RED Friday! HEEEYYYYY!!!!

I am a Dragon, I eat unicorns for breakfast and shit magic all day long !!!

You ain't got Shit on me homie!

N while I'm at it I'll poo on you n laugh about it to... hahahhahahaha

Maybe you'll sprout a rainbow...It's what I do

I'm not fuckin afraid of them Cowards either

I'm fully funded by a higher Power~I am Not worthy either, that's why it's called Grace, you have to be humble to receive it and that I am... Humble and Grateful

A butterfly emerging from the cocoon this year... with out the fear... the fruition is so near.

Those closest to me caused so many tears...

Thank you God for the refinement it's what Keeps me ShInIn!!!

It's been a ride, can't believe these wings have healed and I can finally Fly.

The breeze of LiFe feels Amazin!!!

It's mine... to glide upon...this day and every day from now on... Yes I'm Blazin!

Today It's my Birthday... You knitted me in my mother's womb and planned for the day I would be born...Thank you God for this Gift.

Happy Cows

A Bull is what I am
Stubborn and relentless
Defiant and rebellious
Breaking out of the fence every chance I get
Consistently pushing the limits
Why does the grass always seem greener?
A Happy Cow is a sight to see, the light with in.
Just standing in the breeze sway-less   
Contentment in just being
Grateful in the blessings
Watching the frolicking cowlettes as I graze in my Lazy Haze
Firm and Immovable
Only yielding to the gentle hand
Be my Shepard O Lord in this Land

Thank you for the Cows... They make me Happy.

xoxo Me...

Hero

I'm supposed to be able to call you Right here, Right now, and you're supposed to pick up.
But you can't
I was going to post one helluva Happy Birthday on your Facebook too, but you wouldn't be able to read it, not then anyways...
I need you Pops, and this is the first glimpse for a second time of what it would be like if you really weren't around.
So Im going to say right here and right now, I love you and I'm grateful for your presence in my life...
I walked up to your old place today, for the first time since you left, I couldn't finish the walk...
I wish I could call you up and have one of our talks...
Im about to break and you're one of the greatest sources of my strength...
But it's because of you that I know "we'll" make it through this too.

I miss you Hero.

xoxo Me

Parenthood

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.
     - Agatha Christie,1890 - 1976 

  Parenthood IS the Hardest, Longest, most Grueling, Emotionally involved, Loose yourself in everyone else's shit job there is...But it is the most Beautiful Gift anyone could be given...

Kids don't really need us... That's why they're given to us... and then we die.

They are brought into our lives, not visa versa.

It's our job to keep them alive because it's their job to refine us as human beings... 

after the superficial hustle n bustle of the daily world, they bring what's REAL back into being. 

They're Gifts from God to teach us what it is to really LIVE life.

They are LoVes Purest Form presented to us lost in the socialization process of societies as innocent reminders of how we should be

The moments when we want to pull our hair out because we are trying to help our kids conform, 

they are actually developing us... 

to keep firm in our essences and stand beside them as the whole is criticized and shots are taken. 

The Challenge is to be instinctually strong enough in yourself to be able to believe in them unconditionally...

The Goal is to let our Kids build up our Character rather than loose it to the world.

This moment your feeling right now... It's just part of the process baby. 

Confession Session

Always try to do you're Best!... Sometimes spitting Venom IS what I do Best...
And to think this Is the edited version... Even I couldn't publish the Truth, It's so UgLy.

"It's a JoKe, it's a GaMe, Why am I still keeping ScOrE?"
Only 3 people in the world knew what Red October Meant... I'm the only one left.

I'm here for however long I'm here...

I don't fucking Like you, I don't know how else to go about it, just go Away Goober, you irritate me...

You want me to be a mouse in the corner... ROTFLMAO...Really? You got me fuckin TwIsTeD Homie... do you know what happens to corned animals? A mouse is the last fuckin thing I am... you better check it n yourself before I gobble you up, Imma BEAST boy...

I'm surrounded by Psychos, I was born and bred into em.  It isn't about your efforts its about the joy you get putting in the effort, when it stops being fun it's time to move on... They set you up for failure, their words are venom straight from the snakes mouth. Conform and sell your soul, let go and just be whole... this is what you wanted anyways...


It's SAFE to say I completely understand why people blow out the back of their fucking brains... I don't blame them one bit... Nope NOT at All...

I haven't been completely honest with you... IDK what to do, I don't trust in my self, I damned sure don't trust you... This is a darkly tinged fantasy... The idea that I just might be good enough... If it seems to good to be true it probably is... Ignorance is Bliss...That's so true about you...The works of my own hands, guess I like the rain, I expect it... back and forth let the pendulum swing against my instincts...

It's been 2 years and still can't listen to Far Away, I still can't even bring myself to think about you, let alone talk it out, Forevers a long time... You're pathetic excuse of mandom disgusts me... Ew...I still Hate you Doodie... I'm sorry

WTF man... It's supposed to be Fish Fry Friday with Midnight Margaritas n smore shit...What the Fuck were you thinkin putting your God Damned Hands on ME!?... N I woulda been there too, to crack that mother-effer with a shovel the moment you said Charleston Chew... Reality sets in... it wasn't him, no love it was you...  You say Imma a self centered Bitch... Well at least I'm centered! What does that make you? and NO one wants to be you...Who the Fuck do you think you are wishing my Baby a Happy Birthday?... You knocked his picture off the wall...I'm sorry that I needed you so, I looked to your light to help me grow, you shone like a the most beautiful rainbow, I thought I was a to be a color in your spectrum, adding to your beauty, an extension of your world like you were to me, but you didn't have enough to give, I'm sorry mine wasn't bright enough to help yours live.  You were so much more than my Friend... You were supposed to be my Sister Star...

There is NO Dependable Reliance on Earth, They are but Man, even you my Hero...

I used to think you were so Invincible...

Who's left to be inspired by... Why bother right? They'll just make you cry, a breath... this too is meaningless a chasing after the wind... Humanity is a JOKE.

Whats the fucking point? To be a wind chaser?

I prefer to be a glider...Yup that's right a Free Form Flyer... Here I go Higher n Higher...

"CAUTION TO THE WIND! Complete FREEDOM!"

I Harbor lingering wishes for Life's missing entities... wounds will you ever Heal?

Nope It'll NEVER be the same!~ Scars sustain the memories

You attempted to put a Stake through my Heart! Good Thing I'm not a Vampire, This Dragon's SCALED UP!!!

Yup I'll Look my Pain in the EyE Like I Still Ain't Scared!

Fuck me Once SHAME on you, Fuck me Twice Shame on Me

All you got in the end is God~ I'll pull out my Mirror, I see you.

My light is yours and yours is mine... Guide me through this world... AMEN