The Ugly Truth~ Part 1

I Refuse to Live Like a Coward

 

 

I am my own defeat...
Possessed even
to the point of obsessions
Allowing pointless distractions
My focus needs more focus...
I let the moments fly by...I'm missing them
I preach my wishes...

Damaged, that's what they call it.
I'm not Broken I scream...but I am.
Dungeoned that's what I call it
Chained and Wounded
A Dragon on the verge of Death
Must I die?
Winter before Spring
Death before Life
It is what is required for resurrection
A Phoenix from the Ashes... Will I rise?
Ascension vanishes on the ever rising currents out my window
Jealousy fills my being as I watch them Live their dreams
So Envious it's blinded me to what's held within...
Their success makes me feel so small, but is it truly success after all?

So insecure I rage war on others
Is that all bark and no bite? No, I do bite and it's lethal
I have even openly attacked children, children that I adore and Love
I have struck my own...
stunted the growth..
My tongue is venomous
My heart filled with poison
I pray daily for purification
Hermitified by the humility of my actions
I am my own worst enemy
Ignoring the daily realities...

I am a Man Slayer- 3 were married
Forgiveness is UN-comprehensive
How could I ever be worthy to receive let alone give?
At times I have wanted to peel my skin off from shame
I just front a good Game... such a BIG ego... There enters the cellophane...
If they only truly knew
The Hatred seeps from my soul

I have grown Stone Cold...
Emotional detachment comes with ease
Thoughts of fleeting life fills me with Peace.
It's survival
Tears of sorrow no longer fall, like a mermaid warrior...weakness is not allowed, it'll be prodded at.
How thick I have become
He's LUCKY I didn't have a gun
I would have! Your God Damned Right! His brains would have exited the back side of his skull.
Even to this day
He still haunts me, the demon from my dreams, he is the succubus that steals my breath while I slumber
I can't stand the things they've done to me...
Or maybe I can't stand the fact that I was weak enough to let them
I was just a Baby- My own Justifications...
The fear smothered me then... in moments it does now
Even though I'd like to think I'm stronger somehow, I can't give them credit..
They're non deserving of something so powerful
NEVER AGAIN!!!

The horrors fill my dreams nightly...I can see their faces... the demons that entrap me...
This desire surges with force
I scream out for hope
I struggle for freedom
I feel the battle for my soul...
I am not strong enough to fight for the win
Can't you see my Blood stained skin?
Do I choose to stay? In the comfortable confines of sin
Save me...
The passage is definite... but my own stubbornness keeps me from making the first step
There are things still to ugly to admit, the mirror makes me sick
There goes the wind...
I wish I could fly...longingly I stretch for the sky