Dissappointment

I thought you could see straight through into the heart of me,
I guess it wasn't real after all
I came to you for strength and you let me fall.
I even apologized to you for bailing out and crumbling under the pressure, for being afraid of failure.
For doing what she did,  I told you I just wanted to be everything you need.
I hurt you unintentionally, thought I was protecting you and those beautiful babies from the circumstances that defeat me. I didn't want to drag you down with me, thought I was setting you free from the craziness that comes with me. I was really calling out for help, looking for you to lift me up, thought you could see straight through into the need in me. I thought you would respond gently, but you shut the show down down, graced me with your cold shoulder, I guess that's what I get for getting my hopes up about a man, thought I found someone strong enough to grab my hand and help me stand. It was your shoulder I was begging to lean on, You left me on the ground, and still somehow I'm found myself with my foot on the gas unable to accelerate and leave, I was still waiting and out you came to rescue me. You lifted me up and carried me, held me all night long just to make me sing another sad love song. I thought a Beast for a Beast, what a Love Feast, it's a damned shame you bitched out on me when I was in my moment of need. You also disappointed me.

The Other Side

All DAY Long my hope is in you... My faith in only you I follow...My Lord Save me.

Hosea 11:3-4
"It was I {God} who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them."

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion" (Philippians 1:6).

Every part of me thats spose too, will make it to the Other Side.

Amen
xoxo Me

I Know Who I AM

Time Out

I think it's time for a time out.
I don't want no more
I wanna GET HAPPY BLESS IT!!!!
Life is the pursuit of happiness!
and It's MINE
I refuse to give up
I'm on a time crunch
NOW OR NEVER

I think I've made up my mind...
Some People are gonna HATE me...
HATE ON MOTHER FUCKERS HATE ON!
Some will think I'm Crazy...
I am and don't you EVER fuckin forget it.
Lord Give me the Courage because I BELIEVE
Let me TRUST in you
Let me succeed
Blessed Be
AMEN

Just Breathe...

My Heart hurts today... just breathe baby it's ok
I miss you so very much
Maybe I miss the person I thought you were
If I think about the disappointments it's only because I expected so much more
Never hope in mankind... they are but man
I don't know what I did to deserve the hurt
I don't think I ever did anything... aint that the way it goes
Equivalent exchange... my crimes are paid in full... so I think... but who am I really? Nobody
Maybe it's not me at all
Maybe it's just you n your own unhappily ever after
Such a Big Ego
Up so high you can't see the ground beneath you
That's gonna be some blow when you're brought down as low as you can go
Get some get right
Maybe I just feel alone
Like maybe no one in this world really knows me anymore
All the what if's
all the could be's
today they're ripping me apart and I can not breathe
It feels so heavy this heart of mine
so empty... all at the same time...how can that be?
Filled with disappointment, filled with pain
Deprived of Love, stripped of grace
Count your blessings to find what you look for...
I know the pain only exists because of the immense LOVE I have for you
So Be it
I do love you..
I don't know what I ever did to deserve a blessing like that...
That you would LOVE me too.
I am so blessed
Let go of what is and become who you were meant to be
Let go of the Envy
Let go of the Greed
Just let go already and be Free
Appreciate the now because that's all we're guaranteed
This is your Lot
Accept it and be Happy

*Accept that's a heavy word... to receive.. a gift... a blessing... Acceptance is not settling. It's gratuity.

Hoshi Rae Come Home

Hoshi Rae Where'd you go?
I don't know but you need to come home
Out finding internal peace
Too much chaos here but It's you who let this beast of her leash
You helped rescue me
My guardian angel you set me free
How am I supposed to get by with out my spirit guide?
How am I supposed to be still inside?
Return to the soul,
Delorne and I miss you so
Like a couple of fools simply existing here with out you
You teach us what it is to LIVE?
How can I raise her with out you?
I do not possess the Truth you give
We need you to be whole
so please Hoshi won't you come back home?

xoxo Zari the Soul

P.S. I found you sitting still, seeking to have all reviled...already home at his feet. Praying for salvation, stripped in silence, voiceless with a heavy heart. Return to me he says that we may never part, there has been sacrifices made to rescue you again, come home to me and be whole so that I may once again live with in my soul. So shall it be make me complete. AMEN!

Greater Because I Can

The initial reaction is instinctual carnage
Slit their fucking throat for fucking with me
a fuck for a fuck if you will

The Challenge is to be GREATER because I CAN be

To have to total and complete control over my existence
I AM THE KING!
You can try to trip me up but my feet aren't even touching the ground.
I've left you wishing for wings beneath me.
No power over me
I am free
If I give in to you you have all the control. Push to start. 
Keep myself on a leash for the betterment of me...
Keep my power harnessed in reserves
Massed in quantity the greater purpose this power will serve.
I am just a servant in a nice dress...
I am so grateful...
I am HONORED that you would choose me...
How did this come to be that you would call on a sinner like me to make me complete

To accept the LOVE because I AM WORTHY