Lost=Beautiful

Lost is OK
It means you are in the process of being found
It's a beautiful thing
A new birthing

Fuck It!

Cast away your troublesome cares, put aside your wearisome distractions.
Give yourself a little leisure to converse with God,
and take your rest awhile in him.

St. Anselm, 12th century

I FUCKING HATE this shit!!!!
I HATE LIFE!!!
I JUST PLAIN FLAT OUT FUCKING HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE IT ALL!
FUCK IT, JUST FUCK IT ALL STRAIGHT TO HELL!
I'M ALREADY THERE ANYWAYS, I'VE LIVED THERE MY ENTIRE LIFE...
PISS OFF PEOPLE, I FUCKING HATE YOU TOO... FUCK YOU!

I can feel this internal battle of wills: I listen to this song and I can hear the conversations:
Hoshi Rae: Get up Come on Why you scared?
Zari: FUCK YOU! ROOOOAAAARRRRRRRR... I'M NOT SCARED, I'M JUST FUCKING DONE, POKE ME ONE MORE TIME BITCH I DARE YOU.
DJ: Get her a drink

I FUCKING LOVE YOU DJ!

It's every ounce of good stuff has been drained from my veins along with all my blood.. all my life's force... it's just gone... I simply have nothing left to give... please just leave me alone... quit breaking my heart before I bite you! Those broken fragments are all I have left... see me as an example if you wish, this is simply just it... bare wounds lie open... poke if you like, I haven't even the strength to defend... I see Death approaching... This is the end... Lord Come for Me... xoxo Amen

Ginger

I feel like such a wasted piece of shit
Is it too much to ask to be inspired?
Maybe I gave it all away...
I'll never have the life I've dreamnt of... but doesn't that mean maybe I'll have better
Is that hope?
All day long I hope in you...
How is everyone else so amazing...
I'm just another stepping stone along your path to perfect
When will that ever be me?
I want what I've been denied
What I've cheated myself out of
I'm nobody
Just another effin statistic
Sometimes I wish for death
Is that selfish?
I don't know if I have the will anymore... if this is what it is it isn't worth it.
Or maybe I'm seeing with blind eyes
Where'd my wings go...
I've lost all passion
My Star has lost it's glow...
What is this place?

There is no one home
I am so alone
I don't know where I am
I just know hate it here
So do they, I'm supposed to be the one leading the way
It hurts to see them in so much pain
I'd gladly put one foot in-front of the other but I don't know which direction to go
I'm holding little hands but who's holding mine?
Only I can fix my life right...I give it up to you
I know it could be a whole lot worse
I am grateful for the blessings
I am in pain
I can't stand myself
I hate hearing myself cry
What does it take to be happy?
I am in need...
Why can't anyone see?
Please understand... If not you then who?
Please stay...I'm so scared...
Scared that I will end up like Ginger instead of Black Beauty

Soul Rapping

Fuck it just wrap it all up in cellophane
Smile n tuck tail
Just play their stupid fucking game
Death by slow suffocation
Just let your inside wail
Stone cold untold
Exterior completely controlled
Heartbreaking as a whole
This rapping of your soul
God please save me

The Secret Sisterhood of the Star-hearted Dragons

God i could go for a Lil Nancy, a Lil Donna, a Lil bit of Aunt Jinny in my view I didn't get my daily dose of Aunt Ne' n please I need me some Honey, n Momma Tracy too,  I could go for a lil Doe for sho'!  Hoshi Rae These Lights are you, give me some Debbie, some Bridget and could you blend in a double dose of Linda. Give me some more Gail, Carol, Kaylynn n Kendra. N even though I'm new yes please I'd  like some Auntie Deenie too. Warrioresses sing true, I need a whole lotta Sheena, n more than a bit of the Dragon that's Blue, I could use more Rachel and Rosemadder I don't get nearly enough of you; nor the rae's of Derring n Lindsey, I've been with out my Devyn n Jenny; Could I please get just a Lil more Mindy, Some Sister Sam, Some Aunt Pam and just a Lil bit of what gives Kristy her ooo ooo. A regular breeze of Bree is a must n I'm holding on to the twinkles of Courtney I have left, Grandma Irene I miss you so much! some essence of Grandma's Alice n Millie please cuz that stuffs the Best, this is the special stuff that's stored in the arsenal in case I need to rage a war or simply place one foot in front of the other when you beckon me too, Lord I could use a Lil Momma, yup feed me some Caryn Threw n Threw, see me, this Phoenix blood makes me new, Grandma CJ I'm forever grateful Azaria was born from you: Internally rooted Ms Delorne Janai my Mississippi princess forever engraved she'd been locked away behind closed doors, the magnolia blossomed from being seeded inside the sand the child reaching out for a hand...Each essence blending into a spectacular spectrum, each one's own song harmonizing in tune gliding glittering shining along the currents of time, My Eywa I see you- a perfectly beautiful design forever progressing forward into some new hue, A Rugga Bue Sue if you may, a Missy Moo Moo, Heaven, Jay Rae, Brynn or Lil Miss Muffin, the perpetual energies of life so magnificently sewn into a patchwork tale of women the Secret Sisterhood of the Star-hearted Dragons.

Run Demons Run

I saw you last night in your true form
I have to tell you I wasn't frightened anymore
I saw how weak you were
A captor on the verge of loosing control
My terror turned to rage
I can't believe I let you keep me chained in this cage

My life depended on you
I built up an affection for the projection of me you pretended to be.
  Always a voice from the shadows
You said I am you, how can you ever be free?
Everything you feed me I believed.

In the darkness a light beaconed to me
Ever so gently showing me mercy
The wail I had never heard before
from my own throat
His Grace has touched me
His touch wasn't the cause of the broken
It was you
The Ugly Truth Revealed

Everytime I took a stand and said No More
I can't possibly
You pulled these chains and dug into my wounds
You showed me exactly what I could do
You were building up a warrior beast
Saying don't bite the hand that feeds
Only poison you gave me

 

Feed me Life I cried
I can no longer continue to die inside
You reigned in tighter pushing this passionate drive
It's like you injected me with toxin
Made me a fiend

This night I see you so clearly
This vision of mine, now through his eyes I see
My light is his and his is mine
I am his Dragon
He created me
Strengthened me for this moment
He knew it would come
 when I would face my own defeat
He always believed
No matter how many times you told me this is all I was destined to be
YES He told me I could be greater
YES He Believed
No matter How many times I fell
He told me get back up, it's only a skinned knee
When I couldn't stand my self anymore
He whispered your beautiful baby

I will listen to you no more
Today I'm Done N Off with this
I'm going to FORGET the word Relapse 

God's comin for me

He's opening the CAGE

You can run and you can hide
I have been released
His hand is my guide
I will seek you out
I will find you
and I will Slay you
It is what I have been trained to do

I need to start listening to these voices within
Miss Delorne Janai My Southern Spitfire Siren the phoenix with a broken wing
Hoshi Rae The Doe with a blade
Azaria The Scarred over dragoness- enough said 

JuJu Juice