Cinder Soot and That Damned Dress

Eff it.. Imma OWN This.. Just call me Cinder Soot

Chassidy Jeanne u have no mother no father to speak of... U stand alone... U will NEVER wear that dress... In a world of Belles, Ariels, n Snow whites U can make Mulan your favorite n wish to be sleeping beauty but u cld only ever hope to b Cinderella n I don't even like that blond bitch! Wish I may, wish I might, but I cannot change who I am...Just call me Cinder Soot...Ive only ever longed for a place where I belong but today brought affirmation of the truth someone else's daughter will always come 1st. I am only offered the scraps off someone else's plate. n its not like this is some new discovery n I shouldn't even have tears left for it n yet they fall...God i am grateful for the life u have given me it has made me what I am, but i have always know I'm not long for this world so when i do pass please party it up and celebrate because I will finally b where I belong in a Big Yellow Dress with those Ruby Red Slippers.

I've been in the wrong position my entire life

I was born into it 

Mammas a free fiend

Pappas a Rebel

No Mentor would touch me

Too overwhelmed by the damage to repair 

With out an end in sight 

How could I ever dream to be more

Still I Fight

Still I RISE

Against all ODDS 

with burdens so heavy 

Still I FLY

Got all I need shining so brightly inside this heart of Mine!

I am

John 10:9
"I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture."

I am the fence
I am the finish line

Too close to Home!

Being vulnerable doesn't mean being weak. In fact, trying to hide what's not working will just deplete your resources at a time when you really need your entire arsenal. Ask your loved ones for a helping hand.

~09/21/11: 4th Position:
You must accept the "death" in this area of your life in order to achieve rebirth. Situations can not be corrected without this. If you do so you will be able to rise up out of the ashes like the Phoenix bird and begin again. What has been must be let go of, now is the time to exert yourself and work with the healing powers of transformation. We can't always control external conditions, but we grow by learning to control our reactions / responses to them.

Rise of the Phoenix
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God -- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.
John 1:12-13 (Read all of John 1)
 Dear God, Please let me be born again of you. xoxo me

mmmm
Vocation [ edit ]
Possible contributions your soul has to offer

XV. SHADOW

With the Shadow card, you are asked to look at the darker aspects of your nature. Bringing your deepest fears to light allows you to release what is blocking you from moving forward. However uncomfortable it may be to see your Shadow self, doing so offers great insight and positive energy for true transformation of the self. It asks you to forgive yourself for your short-comings and free yourself from any shame or guilt. It is time to reconcile with your inner self and recognize the bright light that you are.

I am Azaria Hoshi Rae Miss Miss Delorne Janai CJ YES Chassidy Jeanne Bouche and don't you EVER forget it Bitches! B/C the moment you do, this stiletto's goin through your Jugular Trick!

Azaria is Locked away for healing
Her wounds still too fresh for new battles
Hoshi is on gaurd
The spirit speaks soothingly to the soul
Be still my soul, be still
Delorne my phoenix guide light up this star inside and lead the way
Such a child am I
Lord please stay

Lifes Flight

The cruelties and obstacles of this swiftly changing planet will not yield to obsolete dogmas and outworn slogans. It cannot be moved by those who cling to a present which is already dying, who prefer the illusion of security to the excitement and danger which comes with even the most peaceful progress.
     - Robert F. Kennedy, 1925 - 1968

I am a Sun Dragon
Flying by the seat of my pants
From Current to Current
Uplift to Uplift
Consistently en-route
Always Assessing Predicting Calculating Adapting Overcoming Conquering

Ever Evolving am I into the forward moving ever revolving winds of time.  

I'm sorry Momma

I'm sorry Momma.
I don't hate you
I hate my own inadequacies
My own shortcomings
I'm not supposed to miss a beat
Mistakes are simply not allowed
There is ZERO room for error...
But I am only a single human being after all
Please forgive my humanity
I will try harder I promise

I see the moon and the moon sees me, the moon sees the ones that I want to see, So God bless the moon and God bless me, and God bless the ones that I want to see... xoxo me

Murphy

You're 16 today!
Wowzers!
It seems like just yesterday you were 2 and we were playing airplane on the front-room floor.
I changed your diapers, feed you baby food and sang you lullabies to help you sleep.
Now your the one helping me grow up... just yesterday you gave me 20 bucks for gas to take you to Jays.
How did we let it go by so fast!
You want to be a Marine when you grow up and I can see every bit of it.

Who else would Zombie it up with me if not you?
Who else could speak so sensically to me when I'm at my irrational all time emotional?
Who else could stand up against me just to support me? The good advice I always hated ;o)
We are all we have
You are my Fartknocker, I'll stop doing it when you stop laughing
You always know how to make me smile.
 You  are an AMAZING individual and I see the man you are destined to become, you're beautiful inside and out and it makes me cry the right kind of tears, those of joy...
You are such an Important Man in my life...
I love you so much, I am so proud of you and grateful that in this life I get to call you my brother!
Happy Birthday Leo!

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm, mmm, mmm

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too
[- From :http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/stevie-nicks-lyrics/landslide-lyrics.html -]

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older and I'm getting older too
Oh, I'm getting older too

Awh, take my love, take it down
Awh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide bring it down
Oh, the landslide bring it down

Lil Miss Muffin

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!

Lil Miss Muffin oh Miss Muffin you never really were so Lil now were you
You getting so BIG now and its so AMAZING just to know you

You're Star Shines so bright!
You're light is so beautiful...
Lil Miss Mari, I think you got a more than your lil bit of  Auntie Zari
Yup you're gonna be a game changer
You already run the show
So much to say, so much you already know
I wonder what color your wings are gonna be
You already fly so freely
I feel so privileged to be your Auntie
I LOVE you Baby Girl...

You are such a special part of my world!!!

xoxo Me

Why is it???

Why is it all my Genius Moments occur while I'm doing the dishes? or my best melodies in the shower?
and Why is it that I can't seem to remember 2 singe ounces of that genius 5 seconds later when I go to put it on the PC 2 steps away from me?
Sigh... =|
There go all my genius moments down the drain... with the spaghetti noodles... LOL

~ Why is it when your so open to being seen that the one you want to see doesn't see you?
I am so grateful for those who do... I love you so much... A part of my Eywa, I see you! xoxo me.

Lost=Beautiful

Lost is OK
It means you are in the process of being found
It's a beautiful thing
A new birthing

Fuck It!

Cast away your troublesome cares, put aside your wearisome distractions.
Give yourself a little leisure to converse with God,
and take your rest awhile in him.

St. Anselm, 12th century

I FUCKING HATE this shit!!!!
I HATE LIFE!!!
I JUST PLAIN FLAT OUT FUCKING HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE IT ALL!
FUCK IT, JUST FUCK IT ALL STRAIGHT TO HELL!
I'M ALREADY THERE ANYWAYS, I'VE LIVED THERE MY ENTIRE LIFE...
PISS OFF PEOPLE, I FUCKING HATE YOU TOO... FUCK YOU!

I can feel this internal battle of wills: I listen to this song and I can hear the conversations:
Hoshi Rae: Get up Come on Why you scared?
Zari: FUCK YOU! ROOOOAAAARRRRRRRR... I'M NOT SCARED, I'M JUST FUCKING DONE, POKE ME ONE MORE TIME BITCH I DARE YOU.
DJ: Get her a drink

I FUCKING LOVE YOU DJ!

It's every ounce of good stuff has been drained from my veins along with all my blood.. all my life's force... it's just gone... I simply have nothing left to give... please just leave me alone... quit breaking my heart before I bite you! Those broken fragments are all I have left... see me as an example if you wish, this is simply just it... bare wounds lie open... poke if you like, I haven't even the strength to defend... I see Death approaching... This is the end... Lord Come for Me... xoxo Amen

Ginger

I feel like such a wasted piece of shit
Is it too much to ask to be inspired?
Maybe I gave it all away...
I'll never have the life I've dreamnt of... but doesn't that mean maybe I'll have better
Is that hope?
All day long I hope in you...
How is everyone else so amazing...
I'm just another stepping stone along your path to perfect
When will that ever be me?
I want what I've been denied
What I've cheated myself out of
I'm nobody
Just another effin statistic
Sometimes I wish for death
Is that selfish?
I don't know if I have the will anymore... if this is what it is it isn't worth it.
Or maybe I'm seeing with blind eyes
Where'd my wings go...
I've lost all passion
My Star has lost it's glow...
What is this place?

There is no one home
I am so alone
I don't know where I am
I just know hate it here
So do they, I'm supposed to be the one leading the way
It hurts to see them in so much pain
I'd gladly put one foot in-front of the other but I don't know which direction to go
I'm holding little hands but who's holding mine?
Only I can fix my life right...I give it up to you
I know it could be a whole lot worse
I am grateful for the blessings
I am in pain
I can't stand myself
I hate hearing myself cry
What does it take to be happy?
I am in need...
Why can't anyone see?
Please understand... If not you then who?
Please stay...I'm so scared...
Scared that I will end up like Ginger instead of Black Beauty

Soul Rapping

Fuck it just wrap it all up in cellophane
Smile n tuck tail
Just play their stupid fucking game
Death by slow suffocation
Just let your inside wail
Stone cold untold
Exterior completely controlled
Heartbreaking as a whole
This rapping of your soul
God please save me