Retards In Tin Foil~ The Dating Diary of a Grown Woman

I left the biggest Retard I could have ever been with and went solo! Being Sexy and Single here is a compilation of Retards I have Dated:

These Boys Fall Like Dominoes 

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER!!!
To all parties involved, I am a single Momma! I will research your ass, your family, friends and your last 3 girlfriends on facebook, myspace, linked in, springform, google or any other resource availible. I do not date LAME ASSES who have a questionable past dating history. If you or your stats don't stack up to a perfect 10 you can kick rocks! This isn't just about me, I have a divine right to protect my family and will do so at any cost, go watch Jerry Maguire if you don't get it. 

Defining the Desired: A womans heart should be so hidden in God that a man would have to seek God to find it~I have hidden my Heart Away.

 

Unchained, Untamed, Wild N Free~ Is there anyone who DARES to FLY with me? 

Somedays I wonder if I'm meant to take this flight alone...  

A kindred Heart a matching soul speaking in the silence...
Can you hear the stringed melody of a dragons heart song?  

 

1. Leo~ you set the bar dumb ass.
2. My Cabela's Boy~ Mature, and eyes to kill over, originally square, what can I say some people where born in boxes others weren't. But I dig it, I dug you and my angel, swim sessions and walks by the lake seemed to perfect to be true, I trust him I do, my heart he could have had if he wasn't such a puss. Understanding am I and I will hold his hand through his times as his friend, that's the only way I can support you now.~They say some things are just too difficult to write about, Guess that's why I haven't written about you in so long.  I thought I would be the one holding your hand throughout all this, turns out you're holding mine in the midst of my mess. Seems like you've found a place in my heart, who would have ever thought you'd be the one I'd think about whenever we're apart. I'm so afraid to let you all the way in, if I do does that mean I let you win? I can't, at least not now, I've found the missing pieces of me somehow and I'm not ready to let them go, not ready to let them be shown, they're mine and I'm not willing to share. I'm sorry I know how much you care, I just cant give in, I can't give them up, I just don't belong to you yet... ~We kissed for the first time in so long, it felt so right, how could this possibly be wrong? I just don't know how much more I will have to grow before I can open up all the way to you and let you know that just the other day I thought to myself "could it be that I just might love you?" I have opened some of the biggest doors, I let you see just how low I was to the floor, but I'm sorry you still can't have the keys, they don't even belong to me,  they belong to the only one who helps my heart be free. I'm still healing you see, this heart of mine still bleeds. I hope you realize just how much it took for me to take that big of a step, I still can't let you in, not just yet, I'm sorry you have to pay for all of these boys who have been just so retarded, for now I just have to stay guarded, I hope you can understand that for now God has to be my only man.  ~ I don't know what this feeling is, It's not the love for you I thought would be, Love you I do but in Love? that's just not true, so today I told you to date other people, Happiness is what I want for you and I don't think you'll find it with me, what we want is just to different, a future with you I just don't see, I don't want this thing to be forced, what we have is a genuine appreciation of who we are, you have one of the most beautiful stars I have ever seen, all I want is for you to be happy, I know in my heart that what's meant to be will be, I want to keep your friendship in my life so it's time to set you free.
3. Anyone who is on eye level with me when were both standing up is automatically disqualified. My Apologies Mr. Zoosk. 
4. Nemo~ What can I say, it was a spark from the start, something in those eyes of yours, always turning, My Intellectual Match, I can see you're like me, believe you I may, but I am the prize, pursue you I won't, Trust you I don't, another heart you hold in yours! ~You surprise me you do, just this same day a text you sent my way just to say Hey I miss you, thought I was ready to be through with you too, you follow with some x's n o's but ooohhh oooo uhh ohh no, wait what is that you do so well thats got me like I just wanna kiss n tell, so here I'll let you'll stay at a distance to play, maybe you'll get through, some times I hope you do, you just don't know how much I dig you...~Ohhhh my female intuition told me you was a dog, guess I saw something more beyond your cellophane, told you you was like me, now it's time to let this thing just be, it's over and done, wow what a ride, ouch what a fall, you turned out to be a drunken Irish sea captain after all. Disappointed is what I get for getting my hopes up about these men. That's it right there I guess, squarepants you haven't developed into one of those yet. Best wishes to you, I hope your blessed, let's just let this thing lie where it rests. xo ~Squarepants just doesn't fit anymore,What is it with you? It's like there's this cosmic gravitational force pulling me in, every time I think we're through here you come again, sometimes I think you're destined to win. You can't be good for me there's just no way, the durational haul is so unlikely, I always try to push you away, but it seems like every time I do along comes some subliminal reminder of the essences of you, a movie, a logo, a phrase in a song, a customer with your name from your same exact region, it all brings back the nights we've spent alone, it's all too coincidental, am I stringing myself along? It's like I'm supposed to keep you around I can't believe how easy it is to just be... laying there with you comes all too naturally, no words, no false pretenses, honesty, its just you and me, laying there as we be...~sweet temptation is all you are, you just want the light from my star...too damned bad. On the up side your amazing Boy~ my full blown SuPeR NoVa!!! but on the down your nothing but Frosty the Fuckin Clown... I have to let go of something I really Like to make room for something I'll really Love. You Miss me but your in Chicago with her... BS!~ I hate that I see your fucking car EVERYWHERE! This is my TOWN, go away boy. I can't stand that I miss you. ~There you go again, 2 weeks on fire and then there's the Fizzle... He just wants to be friends how coincidental. ~I Miss you Nemo... You're moving... I'm really gonna Miss you Boy! I let you in through the window.. It was so Cory n Topanga... Not just into my room but my bed, my home, my heart... turns out you was only playing from the start,   you love someone else and i have to say, want to say, Thank you boy! for showing me that it is still possible for a man to love a woman like that... sometimes it's not about the lessons you want to learn in life, it's about the lessons your spose to learn. Don't forget to shine my way once in a while. xoxo
5.  Pop tell's me my boy needs the influence of a man... I say...What am I supposed to do about that? I just don't have time... Honestly I like being alone best. Is there something wrong with that? Liking the solitude...I like the comfort of me... no outside influences, just me and what I believe. Sorry there's not settling, I can have anything I want, I want what is right and I'll wait for it. I have to believe that we are protected, I have enough AMAZING men in my life, he'll be just fine.  
6. Here we go again, Candidate A your so fly lol n Candidate B caught my eye...But somehow i miss him, I do. 
7. Candidate A your eccentric... maybe a little too much for me... your shit doesn't add up either. Sometimes that's what I think your full of, you got so much that goes with you... not really feeling all of it. But that mind... ohhhh i'm an intellectual freak... love what comes out of your mouth... They all spit A game tho now don't they... ~I really wanna know what in the world makes you think I want to drive 2 hours just to be groped by some drunk dude for a first date... ugh.. Sigh... yea yea you apologize... Put your money where your mouth is doodie.~ It's been months of text n talk, love how you walk, you put in the time to stay on mind, ooohhh weee boy, oh my not even a first date yet. You got me shifting feet. ~We had our fist date... by the pool, invited my boogie too, made me smile. =0D ~You're too damned old to be so immature n insecure... you fibbed about your age too, defriended me on FB b/c of your own insecurities... Good to know now rather than later... L8TR Dueces Doodie. ~ It's not me its your stalker... Geez leweez Dude... Told you your shit doesn't add up... Time to turn this effin burner off... I have enough on my plate, n it's not that I'm not willing to be the help, but I'm not trying to eat alllllll of your shit too. I see past the circumstances and into the man... your so sweet.... It was all a front, you're not whom you seemed to be...Blocka the Stalka!
8. B~ Where'd you go? You must not know about me... I'll keep the patience while your rolling the high sea, hope your not just a fish. ~FLOP!!! LOL! ~Well hey maybe not, out of thin air you poofed, proving to be a fisherman, not the fish...you make me laugh, a certain swagger if you will, love how your so crazy n yet so chill...I could talk to you forever, maybe you fit the bill?~ A swim by the lake, Hot Damn! This all to natural, you make all the others disappear how you play the game, always staying on my mind... hmmm ~Ouch...Even still I hope you're ok...~You're the Beast! Wow... =oD  ~Oh come on Boy, Knock it off... I really dig you.~ A Beast for a Beast, a unique thought... ~Not a man, maybe a shark? either way your still a fuckin Fish~ I dreamnt about you... WTF?~ Poke... poke... poke...LOL word? Ok you are offically banned from dreams! No one invited you, we havent even spoken in a hot minute, you even quit poking me (that didn't come out right, damned FB) I took you off my friends list, sent you a final email- no reply, this shit is spose to be done n off so WTF gives you the right to pop into my dreams. It was a beautiful dream...pause... sigh... ugh..Go Away Asshole...I missed you... WTF!!! I don't even know you. ugh..I hate cosmic magnetics...~I think it was better before, I don't want think of you every time a see some shitty little pick-up truck... I totally dug that.
9. Solid 20...LMAO, you got tripped up in your own game! Boys R Stupid... You had me fooled though. You asked for 2 weeks straight for that first date, I had an absolute blast, made you ask for another two weeks for the second date...That was amazing. The dream turned into a nightmare...you said I cut you down like a dog but even a dog is loyal. No you spit so many lies I should call you a Snake! I don't like snakes one bit! You injected me with your venom n I bought every drop... Then you thought you had it, that's when you fell flat on your face. Karmas a Bitch n I can't fuckin wait...Deuces Dude.  
10. Dear Mr. Craigslist, It's not my fault your DUI mugshot is what populates when I google your lame ass. Sincerely, Me. 
11. Dear Beast... You are inspiring. It's good to know there are still men like this around: My Beauty,
    I have just returned from the sea I stand upon this land I cannot find You
    Without your light your passion I am lost in the dark I am a simple Mariner
    Trapped in this fog My heart beats wildly. I can feel you nearby You are my beacon
    I am coming for you Just reach out your hand Can you hear my voice
    I whisper in your ear My soul burns with passion I am on my knees at your feet
    Where are you Why do you tease me so I ache for your touch I have held back so much
    I shall give everything You are my Beauty I am your Beast Will you now reach out to me
    Where are you
    I am hear
     Your Beast ~ Once inspired, now the smoke clears. Where you only ever just a bunch of mirrors?  Thought this was someone truly genuine, even let my hopes up again. There were no boundaries, no Fear, thought a kindred heart was near, but it was my heart you didn't even pause to hear. The choice is only half mine.
12. I think it's time to just shut this show down for a hot minute... Disappointment... that's what's generated and I honestly don't know how much more I can take... faith only gets you so far, it's eaten away with each disappointment  after the other... I'd rather just keep my faith intact and leave this whole mess alone... tired of looking at the damned screen on my phone only to be let down. I'd rather it just be my own two feet on the ground... Just leave me be all of you who look but can't seem to see past your glass into me. I'm not afraid to be that open, I'm just not ready for the pain associated with it... It's not better to of loved n lost than not loved at all, when your alone the love produced is the most genuine of all. I think I'll keep that... 
13.  Teddy Bear:  LOL I don't even know what to say, so I'll just keep on smiling. =0) ~You leave me speechless...*blush*~ "you've made a home for yourself in my mind, now your digging around in my heart looking for a place to stay"...He says he doesn't care about my make-up or my hair, He doesn't care about the clothes that I wear (although he likes my jeans) he only cares for another second to hold me there... They all spit a good game now don't they... The last few prove that only time will tell...Please be real.****I thought you could see straight through into the heart of me,
    I guess it wasn't real after all
    I came to you for strength and you let me fall.
    I even apologized to you for bailing out and crumbling under the pressure, for being afraid of failure.
    For doing what she did, I told you I just wanted to be everything you need.
    I hurt you unintentionally, thought I was protecting you and those beautiful babies from the circumstances that defeat me. I didn't want to drag you down with me, thought I was setting you free from the craziness that comes with me. I was really calling out for help, looking for you to lift me up, thought you could see straight through into the need in me. I thought you would respond gently, but you shut the show down down, graced me with your cold shoulder, I guess that's what I get for getting my hopes up about a man, thought I found someone strong enough to grab my hand and help me stand. It was your shoulder I was begging to lean on, You left me on the ground, and still somehow I'm found myself with my foot on the gas unable to accelerate and leave, I was still waiting and out you came to rescue me. You lifted me up and carried me, held me all night long just to make me sing another sad love song. I thought a Beast for a Beast, what a Love Feast, it's a damned shame you bitched out on me when I was in my moment of need. You also disappointed me.****
    A Boyfriend... How'd you ever even come about. Our first date in September. We talked for forever before, emailed conversations, texts in the dark... the affection you gave stole my heart... A friend in September my partner in October. We made it official. If you look back through our messages we were so on fire. I gave you my trust. December was so cold... it hurts to think your love was never anything more that lovers lust. 3 months in and your colors bled through, your scared, I'm scared too. Now its March and it's like we don't even exist. You'd rather play around than return my messages. The flames have faded and we're dying out, somehow Do I even exist to you now? Did you ever really LoVe me? or was it infatuation that kept you around, because when shit got rough you left me on the ground. You're not strong enough... So Bitch out then.  Its been 7 months, I've met your "kin", taken care of you n yours and now you act like you don't want no more, that's not love, no love is so much more. If its done n over then let me off this ride, I'll wash my hands and say I've tried, I even sang you pretty little lullabies... trying to stoke a smoldering flame wishing for your kind of love again.let it burn, let it Burn, Let it Burn I begged. Let me go, it's better to be single than to endure this kind of pain. I'd rather be alone than sitting around here remembering the ghost of you in vain. Why to I still have faith in us, in you and me, please tell me why it is that I still want to believe. I've got to believe in Love, and Love you I do. So I'll sit here and wait for you, wait and believe. I don't even know what happened to us. I don't even know why I'm still giving you seconds of my life, I just know that with everything wiped aside we, you and I, we were happy. It was genuine. You, me, we got scared. When I got scared you got scared and then we both got scared of eachother, of the hurt, we both pushed away, and pulled in, it was only a matter of time right. One often finds his destiny on the path he chooses to avoid it. Recessed in our own selfish insecurities, We hurt eachother. I wore your Ireland sweater up until I brought it to you last night. I missed you. It's like you were dead. All of your things were here, the essences of you, but you, you've been gone for weeks. Maybe I was too stubborn to listen. I thought you were pushing me away and I wasn't going to let you be afraid of me, of the Love I have for you. But you, you were trying to tell me something different. I'm sorry I didn't listen. I miss you now. I miss your eyes, how we could say everything without saying anything. I miss your hair, it's musk, it's texture between my fingers. I miss the bridge of your nose even. You were my handsome boy. Almost too perfect, Orange, the perfect blending of my two favorite colors. You're so beautiful to me. Too good to be true, that's you. I used to sleep with one of your shirts and snuggle with your pillow just because it smelled like you. I wanted to memorize your smell, now I wish I could forget it. Even after I've washed the pillows and the sheets I can still smell you, I can still feel you there, please go away. God I never thought I'd love someone else. Here's the proof. Maybe in 2 more years I'll love again. God help me.
14. I don't know if I'm ready or not, but here they come and there you are. While I know the difference now, I'm still so... so confused, I don't know what I want more importantly what I need. I'm so scared to believe, scared enough to prevent my self from being free, So I let it all go and just breathe.