At some point
At some point I have to make the decision to change
I have to make the efforts
I have to make the difference

It hurts
It hurst so fucking bad
So BAD that sometimes I can't even function
It's so fucking overwhelming as a whole
Where do I even begin

I've been in my house since November
It's still chaos
not even organized chaos
just plain flat out fucking CHAOS

The harder I try to control it the more is just fucking spirals out of control

I shake
I shake from trying so hard
I try so hard I can not breathe
and my body hurts
It Hurts so fucking BAD

I give up from time to time
sometimes its an afternoon
sometimes it's weeks
This is one of those times
weeks can turn into months

God help me give up